Sunday, February 15, 2015

Does your sex life need Neil Armstrong?

I think it has been a good thing this past week to see so many Christians take a rather unequivocal stance against the release of the movie, "50 Shades of Gray." This was not a situation where we needed to pull up a chair, pour a cup of coffee, and ponder a more culturally pleasing response; some things are just garbage, and can easily be identified as such.

Unfortunately, it often takes something like the release of this movie, or the fall of a public figure to sexual sin, for us to think through the issue of sexuality. And even when we do, it's more often of a cultural or "big picture" sense and very little about our own sexual relationships with our spouses.

And that's a BIG issue within the church!

You might be surprised if you had some insight as to just how many Christians have unfulfilled, undeveloped sex lives with their spouses. So many Christian couples, including many Christian leaders, have not developed a fully joy-filled, richly blessed sexual relationship with their spouses.

Some even need a "Neil Armstrong" miracle!

On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to Earth and heard by millions. Urban legend has it that just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: “Sex! You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

Christians are right: marriage is an incredibly beautiful relationship!

Christians are right: sex is a beautiful part of marriage! Unfortunately, as deeply as many Christians believe that to be true, many have failed to fully develop a robust sexual relationship with their spouse that is fulfilling to both.

That's a huge mistake!

"The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control," 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

Now that the issue of sexuality has been raised again, I want to encourage you to take a look at the quality of your own sexual relationship with your spouse. Years ago, I added sexual therapy as one of my Board certifications as a Christian clinical therapist because of the volume of married couples I was seeing who failed to give healthy attention to their own sexual relationships with their spouses, and the result is that they were missing the full depth of bonding, communing, communication, and joy they could have in their marriages because of having a haphazard sex life.

If your sexual relationship with your spouse isn't something that fulfills both of you, and contributes great joy to your relationship, then I encourage you to fix that. So few couples actually talk about and fully discuss their sexual relationship with each other, but doing so can be the beginning of removing barriers to a fuller, happier sex life with your mate. There are appropriate resources to help you learn more about how you can develop a more fulfilling sex life, and even some time spent with a skilled Christian counselor who is competent in the topic of sexuality could be greatly beneficial for you.

The world vastly overrates sex, but at the same time, sex has a great impact on our marriages. Why not make sure that impact is the most positive and most enjoyable that it could be?

If your sexual relationship with your spouse isn't everything you or your spouse would like it to be, or that it could be, then now is a good time to make the changes necessary to develop a fuller, healthier, and more enjoyable sexual relationship within your marriage.

Scotty

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