Sunday, January 5, 2014

How record-keeping can wreck a marriage ...

Keeping track of all the things you think your spouse does wrong, or that you don't like, will put you on the fast track to destroying your marriage.

Record-keeping is a destructive behavior a spouse can employ when they wander away from focusing on actively, intentionally loving their husband or wife. The irrational thought behind the action is something like this: "He will never learn unless I constantly tell him what he's doing wrong." The fallacy to that kind of thinking is that people often don't learn from someone who is always focusing on what they do wrong.

If you want to influence your spouse toward positive change, love them!

A couple that had been married for 15 years began having more disagreements than usual. They wanted to make their marriage work, so they agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned on dropping slips of paper into "Fault" boxes. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations.

The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach: "Leaving the lid off the jelly jar," "Wet towels on the bathroom floor," "Dirty socks not in the hamper," and on and on throughout the month.

After dinner at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband reflected on what he had done wrong. Then the wife opened her box and began reading. The message on every slip in her box was the same: "I love you."

Let me repeat: if you want to influence your spouse toward positive change, love them! And that does not include negative record-keeping ...

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged," 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.

Are you keeping a record of the things your spouse does that you don't like? Or are you more busy just loving them?

Scotty

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